come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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