god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
