Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
