i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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