I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
