i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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