Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
