I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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