you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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