Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
