I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
