Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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