just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
