Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
