what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
