In the future we'll all be gay
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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