you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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