At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
