he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
