OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
