I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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