i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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