And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
