...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize