Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
