whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
