How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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