I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
