When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
