He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
