I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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