He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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