There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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