I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize