I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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