I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
