so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize