i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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