It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
