There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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