i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
