I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
