She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
