One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
