ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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