Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
