using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you never un-have a 4some
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
