she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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