i jhust puked up my retainher.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
