He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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