So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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