she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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