I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
