There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've changed since you got that strap on
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