Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
