Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Never underestimate the power of titties
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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