i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
