How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
