I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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