boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
