so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
