dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize