Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
