I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
