oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize