i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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