oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
