i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
