fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love you.
Bad choice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
