Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
