My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
