just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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