can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
