I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
