There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
