i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
