I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
