I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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