i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
