its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
