I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
