guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Panties = found
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize