She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
