don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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