It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
