I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
