Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
