I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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