Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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