I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
