There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it penis luge time yet?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
