Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize