dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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