The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
