after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
