yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
