My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
