Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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