god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
