i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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