He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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